It can be hard to accept feedback. Feedback typically involves information about us that we might not want to hear. I have sometimes found myself bristling at feedback without being able to easily identify why. Thanks for the Feedback describes three different types of feedback triggers that block us from receiving feedback, or cause to to react defensively and prevent us from being receptive to the feedback we’re given.

Truth Triggers

A truth trigger happens when we perceive the content to be wrong, unfair, or unhelpful. It could be the case that the content is truly wrong, or it could be that we too quickly judge it to be wrong without keeping on open mind.

Relationship Triggers

A relationship trigger has less to do more with who gives us the feedback than the content of the feedback. The feedback could be coming from someone we are angry with, have a poor opinion of, or low trust with. When they give us the feedback, we dismiss it because of our relationship with them.

Identity Triggers

Identity triggers happen when the content of the feedback clashes with who we feel that we are as an individual.

An example of feedback that could trigger this is: “you were not trying very hard there”. If you see yourself as someone who tries hard in scenarios like that, your first reaction might be to dismiss the feedback because it clashes with your identity. A better approach is to understand what “trying hard” looks like in that context from the feedback giver, and how that might have been different from what you were doing.